If you are a Kiwi Do not Look at this joke
Charlie walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:
'Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache.'
His wife is lying in bed and replies: 'I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot.'
The man says: ' I think you'll find that I wasn't talking to you.'
Come on guys, you have to post jokes here too you know
Hahahahaharofl. Love that one, best Kiwi joke EVER!
2 blondes walk into a bar, spent next 3 weeks in hospital
stupid alligator
Well Chrisco's failed.. :S
Oldest one in the Book.
I hate racism and Offence words, I also hate those fucking Abo's *NO OFFENCE TO ANYONE ONE!!!*
Might of worded it wrong tho :S
two cows sitting on a powerline witness a horse fly by, the green cow turned to the blue cow and said "wow must be a nest near by"
I love sexist jokes, no offence to anyone, just find them funny.
Whats the difference between your wife and your dog?
Walking the dog is relaxing.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
What have you done wrong when you wife comes out of the kitchen and starts nagging you? made the chain too long.
A man is driving along in his car when he suddenly gets pulled over by the police, the man pokes his head out of the window and says "what seems to be the problem officer?" the cop looks bluntly at him and says "are you aware that a woman fell out of your car about 2 minutes ago?" the man let out a sigh "thank fuck for that i thought i had gone deaf!"
Why did the woman cross the road?
Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?
Why don't women wear watches?
There's a clock on the stove.
Why do women have short feet?
So they can stand closer to the stove.
Why dont women have a penis?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Why don't women need drivers licenses?
There is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.
Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive?
Because she was a woman.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
-None, it should be opened when she brings it to you.
A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes." The man says "Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account." Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand. He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here." Phoof! There is a flash of light and abright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him. He continues, "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women." Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.
What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why.
(Adam Ferrara)
What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
If your dog is barking at the back door and Danielle Cardella is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
Why haven't any women ever gone to the moon?
It doesn't need cleaning yet
How is a woman like a laxative?
They both irritate the crap out of you.
Woman inspires us to great things...and prevents us from achieving them. (Dumas)
What do you do when your dishwasher breaks?
You hit her.
Wanna hear a funny joke?
Women's rights.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, shes already been told twice.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, let the bitch cook in the dark!
Women are cute and cuddly - every man should own one.
How are women and high school phone policies similar?
Because they can be seen but not heard
Why do women live longer than men?
Because God adds them the time that they wasted on parking.
How do you get a woman dizzy?
Put her in a circular room and tell her to go to a corner.
A man runs over his wife. Whose fault is it?
The man, he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.
Some of them are a bit far Chris, lol
Rofl Chris strikes again
Why do women get P.M.T.?
THEY JUST DO!!
ohh, btw Chris, thought I'd better warn you that the missus was last seen heading for Melbourne with her baseball bat...
RUN MAN, RUN!!